I can’t orgasm during masturbation. Is that normal?

image

Someone asked us:

hi!! this is a bit embarrassing to ask, but i figured if anyone knew it would be y’all. when i masturbate (me and my bf are long distance, and we sext of sorts), i get super super turned on, but i can never actually orgasm. is that a biological issue?? or is that something many afab people go through?

Sometimes orgasms come quickly and easily.  And sometimes you might need more time or a very specific type of stimulation. Having and not having orgasms are both normal. Many things can impact your ability to have an orgasm, including:

  • hormones
  • your physical or mental health and emotions
  • past experiences
  • your beliefs and lifestyle
  • relationships
  • taking certain medicines
  • using alcohol or drugs 

Everyone’s body is different, and there’s no one “right” way to have an orgasm. And you don’t have to have an orgasm every time you masturbate or have sex. So try not to put any pressure on yourself to have an orgasm. In fact, putting a lot of pressure on having an orgasm can make you anxious, which can make masturbation and sex stressful and less enjoyable. Not everybody has orgasms while masturbating. Or sometimes the circumstances just aren’t right (you’re nervous, tired, or distracted for example). 

Experimenting with what feels good can help you get to know your body and what sexually excites you. You can try exploring entertainment that brings you sexual pleasure, using sex toys, water- or silicone-based lubricants, , reducing stress to improve your mood, limiting or cutting-out alcohol and drugs, and exercising regularly.

The most important thing to remember is that orgasms happen … and sometimes they don’t. Remember to make pleasure, not orgasms, the end goal.

-Attia at Planned Parenthood 

Planned Parenthood

Planned Parenthood Receive Tribute & Medicine Coupons by Charles Myrick of ACRX